Simpsons on the High Road
by KingJames
Summary: They supposedly write a "curse" lottery ticket for Grandpa. He wins and supposedly dies. So what does Homer do? Hmmm....


SIMPSONS IN THE HIGH LIFE Author's Notes: Besides being a fan of YuGiOh and video games, I'm a Simpsons fanatic! So, I thought I'd do a fanfic I came up with quite a while ago that I thought of submitting to WB, but knew it was impossible. So, get ready to laugh, 'cause you will be!  
  
Chapter 1: Sweeping the Sweepstakes "Smithers, who is that buffoon making an idiot of himself?" Burns inquired. "Homer Simpson, sir. The guy you mistook for the Pillsberry Dough Boy in Sector G7?" "Ohhh... say, Smithers, don't you have to leave for your counseling session?" "Oh, my, uh.... heh heh.." Smithers stuttered. "By the way, does the message 'Read THE DUELING OBSESSIONS OR DIE!' mean anything to you?" "Go to your anti-homo sessions." Burns sighed.  
  
"Well, hope this works." Homer muttered to Lenny and Carl before bumbling into Burns's lair. "Smithers, I thought I tol - ooh, the bear- selling man!" "Uhhh... yeah! How about a little mate for your bear to... snuggle with? Snuggle! Heh heh heh." Homer chuckled. "Oh, yes... how much for that cute little dimpled one over there?" Burns asked, trying to point to it, but his arm dropped feebly. "Only $3,000." Homer said nonchantly. "W- what?! You idiot, do you think I'm a bloody idiot? I -" "Monty." a soft voice squeaked. "Huh?" "Monty, p - please. I - I need love. So you can truly recieve it."  
  
"Oooh, ooh! Here, take $5,000! Bobo, let's see you -"  
  
"Heh heh heh." Homer said greedily, fingering the crisp $100 bills. "How'd you make your voice so diffeent, Carl?" "Hey, th only thing more versatile than a black man's voice is a saxophone." Carl said proudly. (A/N: I'm black and play a tenor saxophone, so people who are offended by this, sorry.) "Hey, shouldn't we each get $1333.33?" Lenny asked. "Uhh.... too complicated. I get $3,000." Homer said. Lenny and Carl grumbled, but Homer smiled. "Don't worry... with this, I can bring back Maude Flanders! Rarrrggghhhh." Homer drooled. "Homer, you can't bring back the dead with money." Carl said sadly. "If so, I'd have brought back the barflies a while back." "Y - you can't?" Homer said, devestated. "Curse you, Lanley! You nearly cost me my life and college savings!" (A/N: Lanley's the guy that built that phoney monorail.)  
  
"Thirty tickets, Apu!" Homer said proudly. "For Bega Billions!" "Thank you, Homer." Apu said, forking over thirty tickets. "Hey, shouldn't these tickets cost a buck?" Homer frowned. "Uhh... if you win Bega Billions, this will be worth squat." Apu grumbled impatiently. "Hey, I deserve more!" Homer said, seizing out twenty more tickets from behind the counter. "Hey, you can't do that!" Apu screeched. "My, uh.... stealer thingy will stop that!" Five seconds after Homer ran out giggling, a serviceman said, "Uhhh... Mr..... Abu?... your protector is here." "Thank you, come to Hell." Apu said, revealing a shotgun. "Uhhh... Marge, what's my birthdate?" "Mom, what was the date when I felt I was being watched for the 100th time?" Lisa asked. "Mom.... Mom..." "SHUT THE *&%@$## UP!!!!" Marge screamed. Just then, Grandpa swaggered in. "Hey, what's shaking?" he asked, doing the chicken dance. "Grandpa, go back to the old folks' home." Bart said impatiently. "Some of us are trying to fill out 10 tickets, even if we're minors." "Oh, that....... Homer, isn't it illegal for minors to do this?" Marge worried. "Come on, we'll just flex their hair back like on Bart's fake ID, and if Maggie wins... she's one of those mute thingies on the street." "Mimes, Dad?" Lisa butted in. "Yeah, those creepy mm's." Homer shivered. "Mmmm..... MM'S..." "Hey, I used to spraypaint on those MM's." Grandpa remembered. "It was in - oohh, pretty flags! Let me have one!" "Hell no." Homer said nonchantly. 'Homer! Cussing at your own father..... and not letting him have a ticket for this silly contest anyway...." "OK, I'll take one of yours." Homer said, reaching for it. "RRRROOOOOARRRRRRR!!!"  
  
Several minutes later, after Amazoness attacks from Marge, Lisa, and Maggie, and and a choking from Bart, Homer unwillingly gave up one of his tickets. "Hey, what do I put on here?" Grandpa asked. "Lisa will tell -" "Hey!" Lisa cried. "Please, Lisa." Homer whispered obviously. "I'll give you three Nightmare of Labyrinth packs." "8-5-1-2-1-2-6-6-6." Lisa said. "What the heck was that?' Bart asked Lisa. "Numerical values for 'devil'." Lisa stated. "Now, Bart, touch Infinite Cards, and I swear, you'll face Satan's wrath....."  
  
At the 9:00 drawing.... "All right, this should help us DETErmine the LOOTery droowings wiTH all the sparkly, green CASH for us nerds." Prof. Frink gabbled, printing a list. "And the numbers are...FLUBBER! CrimatREY! Who's been messing with this?" "Chief Wiggum! Help! Spanky's torn the ba -" Skinner's mom started. "Sorry, if you want to contact Wiggum, he's at 9-1-3." Eddie said. "Boy, we got some dumb people, Chief. How about releasing the prisoners to buy us some tickets?" "It's against the Bible... against God's word to gamble... I think.. oh, I can't resist!" Flanders cried, turning to the news. "Hello. Kent Brockman. Now tonight... we .... uh..... oh, hell, if you haven't bought a lottery ticket, you oughta go there while we watch Bega Billions!" he said grinning. Then his face drooped. "Oh..... heh..... forgot a ticket.. well, good- bye, cruel world." "And it's me, Miss Springfield!" the ditzy woman giggled. "Before bedtime, we want to fire things up, so we'll give you the numbers of a devil - 8-5-1-2-1-2-6-6-6!" Good- bye, everyone!" "Woo hoo! I win!" Grandpa cried. Everyone glared at Lisa, who laughed nervously. "Fifty billion's mine! Yes... ooohhh...." Grandpa wheezed. "Triple 6's.... horrible luck..... ooohhh." he collapsed. Homer put a camera in Marge's bouffant, and hid behind Grandpa. "Uhh......" he drawled. "Oh, I just died, and like that guy in the Vegas movie did, I leave fifty billion to you. Oh... I'm dead. D'OH!" END OF CHAPTER A/N: Anyone who can imitate Marge (like I can) gets YuGiOh updates to Marik vs Mai! (April Fool's! I can sound like Marge, though.) 


End file.
